I can’t decide on the order in which I want to write things which means I will probably be all over the map. I am sorry about that and hope it won’t be too confusing.

We had a really great visit with two of our kids this weekend, they were on leave from the Navy and visiting with family up here in Oregon. We feel very honored that they included us in their list of family to visit and even better, we were their first stop. I got to make homemade pizza and fry bread for them. I would have to say that was the best part of the last two weeks.

We went to a bar-b-que at the farm and some cousins from my husband’s side of the family were their and to be honest I hope I never see one of them again. This cousin started talking about how she had threatened to kick her kicks out if they got into drugs and how she did just that when she found drugs in their rooms. Then in the very next part of her topic of choice she talked about how she (of course she only smokes it in the evening) and her husband were pot smokers and he will drive under the influence when and I quote “you shouldn’t drive for 4 hours after smoking pot” (Really? Wow, somebody needs a better education in intoxicants and intoxication). I was sitting there listening to this and getting upset by the second and I finally just left. I sat in the truck away from that until my husband was ready to leave, yes, I was good with that, I had my computer and tablet and wasn’t going to ruin my husband’s fun (granted he wasn’t crazy with the cousin’s topic choice either). By the time we left I was calm enough to realize that she clearly did not know how Shanny was killed or any of the details. Because if she had I would like to think she would have avoided the topic all together.

I started getting sick last Thursday and today I feel marginally better, I think. Yesterday like the 8th day of every month left me sad and clocking just one more month that I haven’t seen or talked to Shanny. Don’t get me wrong, I do focus on other things and so does my husband but our youngest daughter as with my other kids is never far from my thoughts. Family functions are fun but there is always this sense of someone missing and it leaves a heavy, empty feeling in my heart. I still miss my phone going off around 8:30 every morning with either a phone call or a text message, makes me wonder why I even keep my stupid phone because it doesn’t ring as much as it used to. Shanny wasn’t happy unless she was texting or calling someone, anyone lol even me. Unless of course she was working out, I miss her every day.

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